Kitty and TC


Ferengi Rules of Aquisition



1. Once you have their money, never give it back.

2. The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.

3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.

5. If you can't break a contract, bend it.

6. (24th Century version) Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

6. (22nd Century Version) A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.

7. Keep your ears open.

8. Small print leads to large risk.

9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

10. Greed is eternal.

11. Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.

12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

14. Anything stolen is pure profit.

16. A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along.

17. A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi).

18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

20. When a customer is sweating, turn up the heat.

21. Never place friendship above profit.

22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

23. Nothing is more important than your health, except for your money.

25. There's always a way out.

26. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.

27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

28. Morality is always defined by those in power.

29. When someone says, "It's not the money," they're lying.

30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.

31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.  Insult something he cares about instead.

32. Be careful what you sell.  It may do exactly what the customer expects.

33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

34. War is good for business.

35. Peace is good for business.

39. Friendship it temporary; profit is forever.

40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.

41. Profit is its own reward.

42. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.

44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.

45. Expand, or die.

46. Make your shop easy to find.

47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

49. Everything is worth something to somebody.

50. Never bluff a Klingon.

52. Never ask when you can take.

57. Good customers are as rare as latinum; treasure them.

58. There is no substitute for success.

59. Free advice is seldom cheap.

60. Keep your lies consistent.

61. Never buy what can be stolen.

62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.

69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

70. Get the money first, then let the customer worry about collecting the merchandise.

71. There's a customer born every minute.

72. Never trust your customers.

74. Knowledge equals profit.

75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.

76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

77. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.

79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

84. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.

85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.

87. A friend in need means three times the profit.

89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

94. Females and finances don't mix.

95. Expand or die.

97. Enough is never enough.

98. Every man has his price.

99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.

100. If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.

102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

103. Sleep can interfere with your lust for profit.

104. Faith moves mountains of inventory.

105. Don't trust anyone who trusts you.

106. There is no honor in poverty.

107. A warranty is valid only if they can find you.

109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

111. Treat people in your debt like family—exploit them.

112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.

113. Never have sex with the boss's daughter.

114. Never have sex with the boss's wife.

115. Always have sex with the boss.

116. There's always a catch.

117. You can't free a fish from water.

119. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.

121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.

123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.

125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.

127. Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.

135. Never trust a beneficiary.

139. Wives serve.  Brothers inherit.

141. Only fools pay retail.

144. There's nothing wrong with charity as long as it winds up in your pocket.

152. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.

153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.

162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

168. Whisper your way to success.

169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive

177. Know your enemies, but do business with them always.

181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

188. A fool and his money are the best customer.

189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

190. Hear all, trust nothing.

191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

192. Never cheat a Klingon, unless you're sure you can get away with it.

194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.

200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.

202. The justification for profit is profit.

203. New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.

208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

211. Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.

212. Never give away for free what can be sold.

214. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.

216. Never gamble with an empath.

217. You can't free a fish from water.

218. Always know what you're buying.

219. Possession is eleven-tenths of the law.

223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.

236. You can't buy fate.

239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

241. Never trust a hard working employee.

242. More is good.  All is better.

255. A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.

260. Life's not fair.  How else would you turn a profit?

261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

262. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.

265. The customer is always right, until you get their cash.

266. When in doubt, lie.

270. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.

284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.

285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

286. When Morn leaves, it's all over. (unofficial rule created by Quark)

299. Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them.  That way it's easier to exploit them the next time (fake rule created by Neelix)

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